Relationships can be challenging even when both people are devoted to each other. It can take hard work and dedication. Yet, there are many things that can go wrong. One of the ways that relationships can turn sour is if one person is unfaithful. Sometimes affairs can go on for years without being discovered. Read on to learn seven signs that he is cheating on you

1: He has cheated before

It is often said that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. There is a lot of truth in this. This is not to say that people cannot change or turn their lives around in miraculous ways. People can and do all of the time. Yet, such changes take work, humility, and motivation. They do not happen easily or overnight. If he has cheated before, it is very likely that he will cheat again.

Most of the time when couples end up in divorce court, they were aware of the problems before they even got together. If you were “the other woman” when he was married to someone else, it is highly likely that he will cheat on you as well.

You might think, “He will be different with me. She was crazy,” or “She just did not understand him,” or a million other reasons why he will treat you differently than he treated his ex. In most of these cases, however, you are just fooling yourself. Even if his ex was wrong for him, he still ran away from his marital troubles by cheating on her.

No relationship is perfect, and there are always potential difficulties. Chances are that he will avoid these difficulties in the same way when they arise with you.

2: He gets angry when you get near his phone or computer

In the past, one had to leave the house to have an affair. With modern technology, one can now have electronic affairs. Even if these liaisons never lead to physical sex, they still take his time and energy away from your relationship.

While it is natural and important for each person in a relationship to have privacy, in a healthy relationship, people are relaxed enough with each other that it is not a big deal if the other sees what is on their computer or their phone.

If he is cheating, though, it is very likely that there will be evidence of this on his phone or his computer. He may get mad if you pick up his phone to clean, or if you approach him while he is “working” on his computer. Unless he has a job that requires strict confidentiality, there should be no reason why it would be a problem to see what he is doing.

Some people are more private than others, but even if this is the case with him, this should not be a cause for anger. It should be enough for him to ask you calmly for such privacy. Anger or yelling is often a sign of defensiveness and a guilty conscience.

3: He is secretive about where he goes and what he does

Another thing to watch out for is if he is secretive about where he goes and what he does. There are very few people who are comfortable with out and out lying if they are asked direct questions. It is a rare person who can keep track of their lies or remember what they told you before. So, rather than lie, he may find ways to avoid telling you what he is doing.

Now, you should not expect that he will want to have to account to you for his every move. You probably would not like it if he expected that of you, so it would be unreasonable for you to expect it of him. Still, both of you should feel comfortable enough with casual questions during the course of a conversation.

As in the case of his phone or computer, anger or defensiveness is a huge red flag. It is even more of a red flag if this anger marks a change from his usual behavior. For example, a question that he would usually answer willingly suddenly becomes off limits.

Now, there are times when there are legitimate reasons for keeping something hidden for you. For example, he may have gone to get you a present. Yet, if this happens regularly, it is a sign that there is a problem, and that problem may be that he is cheating on you.

4: Money starts to mysteriously disappear

Different couples handle their money in different ways. Some may keep all of their money jointly, while others maintain separate accounts. In most cases, this is a choice that couples make together and there is no one right or wrong way to go about things.

Still, in a healthy couple, regardless of how they handle their finances, there is usually an openness about such matters. Even if he is the one who handles your joint finances, or even if you have completely separate finances, you should still have a general idea of where his money goes. If money suddenly starts to disappear, this could be a sign that he is cheating.

There are some men who want to completely control your joint finances and will not tell you anything. There are also some cultures in which this is the norm. Yet, even if you have had such an arrangement with him from the beginning, you may notice a change in how much money is available for household use. If there is not a good reason for that change, he could be cheating on you.

Now, there may be other reasons for money disappearing. Most of the time, they are not good ones though. He could have developed a drinking or a gambling problem, which are also problematic for your relationship.

5: You are having persistent relationship problems

All relationships have difficulties and go through rocky periods from time to time, even the healthiest ones. If a couple is going to make it over the long term, they need to learn to get through these tough spots.

If you are having persistent relationship problems that are not getting better, especially if he is not willing to do any work, this could be a sign that he is cheating.

Sometimes, he may think that he is justified in cheating because of these problems. Yet, even if the problems existed before he started cheating, the fact that he decides to cheat will make things worse. If he is seeing someone else, he will not have much motivation to improve his relationship with you. Indeed, if he is using the problems between you as an excuse, he may want the problems to continue.

In these cases, if you catch him cheating, he is very likely to try to put the blame on you for his behavior. The person he is cheating on you with will probably be encouraging him to do so. If she knows about you, she will see you as a rival, and she will also be trying to convince herself that he will be different with her.

The truth of the matter is that we are always responsible for our own behavior. No matter what problems you are having in your relationship, it was his decision to cheat rather than handle those problems in another way.

6: He starts giving you extra presents

One counter-intuitive sign that he may be cheating on you is if he suddenly becomes nicer to you. He may give you more presents or take you on an expensive vacation. He may start giving you lavish compliments. While these could truly be signs of his love and affection, they could also mean that he is feeling guilty. He is trying to make up with you for his bad behavior.

This is one of the more subtle signs that he may be cheating on you, and you don’t want to jump to conclusions too quickly. You also want to be able to enjoy gifts that he gives you without becoming suspicious.

For this reason, you may want to reserve judgment unless there is some other reason to believe he might be cheating on you. For example, this could be a radical change in his usual behavior, or he could be showing one of the other signs listed.

7: You have a gut feeling he is cheating on you.

In relationships, it is important to trust your instincts. If you feel like something is wrong, take it seriously. You know your partner, and if it seems like there is something unusual about his behavior, it is always worth following up on it.

The truth of the matter is that if you are having suspicions that he is unfaithful, there is something wrong with your relationship. Even if he is not cheating, there is a reason that you think that he is.

It could be your own insecurities, but if all was well, you would have no need to be insecure. While you don’t want to make premature accusations, it is important to take a step back and take stock. You may be going through a rough patch, he may be acting differently, or he may actually be cheating.


Kenny is the founder and editor-in-chief of TheTalka. He launched the site in 2019.

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